I'm Too Old To Have Kids
Helluva opening line, huh?
Well, of course, it'll make a lot more sense once I explain it. (I can almost hear Ricky Ricardo in my head, saying "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do!")
I was dating a lady recently, and we really hit it off. She is about 12 years younger than me, but that didn't seem to matter. She'd never had children before, but definitely wanted to have some. Faithful readers may remember that I have a 19-year-old son. And truthfully, I love children, and had always wanted to have more.
Then one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was sitting on the throne (where, oddly enough, I do some of my best thinking), and I started to crunch the numbers. I turn 46 next month (on July 30th). If I dated the lady for a year, then we got married, I'd be 47. If we enjoyed a year of "us" time, before trying to have a child, I'd be 48. If we were then lucky enough to get pregnant within about 3 months (no small feat), I'd be 49 when the baby was born... which means I'd be 67 when the child turned 18. Now, that's not including if it took longer than 3 months to get pregnant, or if there was going to be more than one child.
That was the moment of my epiphany. As much as I love kids, I don't want to be raising them when I'm in my 60's. My son just graduated from high school, and that was particularly draining on me in my mid-40's. Twenty years from now, I don't want to be in that position all over again.
So, it's not that I couldn't, in theory, be a father again. Physically, I could do it. It's just that I'm choosing not to. And I'm OK with that, finally. Also, it's time for some "me" time. I've given up a lot of things in favor of my son. (For example, he has a camcorder and a digital camera. I have neither of these things, yet I bought them for him.) I've been relatively selfless, and I have no regrets about that. But, maybe, I can buy some things for myself every now and then. What the hell, I'm worth it, right?
At some point, hopefully I'll be a grandpa, and delight in spoiling the heck out of my grandchildren... But not too soon... ARE YOU LISTENING, SON ?!!!!
Well, of course, it'll make a lot more sense once I explain it. (I can almost hear Ricky Ricardo in my head, saying "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do!")
I was dating a lady recently, and we really hit it off. She is about 12 years younger than me, but that didn't seem to matter. She'd never had children before, but definitely wanted to have some. Faithful readers may remember that I have a 19-year-old son. And truthfully, I love children, and had always wanted to have more.
Then one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was sitting on the throne (where, oddly enough, I do some of my best thinking), and I started to crunch the numbers. I turn 46 next month (on July 30th). If I dated the lady for a year, then we got married, I'd be 47. If we enjoyed a year of "us" time, before trying to have a child, I'd be 48. If we were then lucky enough to get pregnant within about 3 months (no small feat), I'd be 49 when the baby was born... which means I'd be 67 when the child turned 18. Now, that's not including if it took longer than 3 months to get pregnant, or if there was going to be more than one child.
That was the moment of my epiphany. As much as I love kids, I don't want to be raising them when I'm in my 60's. My son just graduated from high school, and that was particularly draining on me in my mid-40's. Twenty years from now, I don't want to be in that position all over again.
So, it's not that I couldn't, in theory, be a father again. Physically, I could do it. It's just that I'm choosing not to. And I'm OK with that, finally. Also, it's time for some "me" time. I've given up a lot of things in favor of my son. (For example, he has a camcorder and a digital camera. I have neither of these things, yet I bought them for him.) I've been relatively selfless, and I have no regrets about that. But, maybe, I can buy some things for myself every now and then. What the hell, I'm worth it, right?
At some point, hopefully I'll be a grandpa, and delight in spoiling the heck out of my grandchildren... But not too soon... ARE YOU LISTENING, SON ?!!!!
posted by Jim McKee at 2:12 PM
2 Comments:
Hehehe...I just realized not long ago that I am dating a guy who is a grandfather. Then it hit me...am I ready to possibly marry someone with grandchildren? I'm too young to be a grandma! It's been years since I've reconciled myself to dating men with kids but I had yet to get used to the idea that I am now of the age that those men with kids are now (or could be soon) men with grandchildren. Eek! :-)
I feel ya Jim. Being 44 and married 4 years this year, we have been down that road and back again visiting and revisiting the topic time and time again. I have a 17-year-old daughter that graduated high school this year and I always wanted to have more than just one child. tFg (theFATguy) has 2 daughters 9 &11 but with them living 4 hours away and an ex in violation of the visitation order, full time parenting is something greatly missed.
Still the numbers don't look good and we have also factored in the life expectancy of the morbidly obese. We have decided to go with the let go and let God approach if it is meant to be it will happen however at a certain time each month there is both a sense of sadness and relief as there are no simple answers to such a complicated issue.
My daughter wants to obtain a Masters of Nursing (Family Nurse Practitioner) so it looks like grandchildren are a long ways off.
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