Karaoke Night

I went out for karaoke last night, with several members of a social group that I belong to. (NOTE: Grammatically, the previous sentence may not be correct, but any other version I could come up with sounded odd.) Had fun, in spite of the place only having ONE book listing the songs, and that one book NOT cross-referencing by artist. (For non-karaoke singers, song books usually have two alphabetical listings, one by song title, one by artist.) Although later, I finally learned that they had a lot more songs on the computer than they did in the book.

I wasn't feeling overly adventurous, so I stuck to songs I'd done before. First, I did Bobby Darin's "Mack The Knife". I've been singing that song since high school (not necessarily at karaoke), and I find it very comfortable, like a well-worn pair of loafers.

Later in the evening, I did "On The Dark Side", which you may remember from the movie "Eddie and the Cruisers" (didn't see it myself, I just know that that's the movie it came from). I was bit off on this song, even though I know it like the back of my hand, and I consider it one of my signature songs). Part of it was that I sing LOUDLY on this song, and the host (not really a host at all, but in reality, a waitress pressed into service) was somewaht slow to change the mix of song and singer, probably due to her lack of experience. There have been times that I've totally rocked with that song, but last night wasn't one of those times. I can also attribute part of it to not having gone to karaoke in many months. So, the lesson learned is this: I need to keep my karaoke chops in good shape!

BULLSH*T: The Final Chapter

Faithful readers may remember the story of Michigan resident Robert Militzer, from just a couple of days ago. Militzer, in protest of a parking ticket he disagreed with, wrote "BULLSHIT MONEY GRAB" in the memo area of the check he sent for payment to the court in the city of Berkley, only to wind up facing criminal contempt of court charges.

Well, the charges were dismissed yesterday when Militzer apologized to the court... or did he? Militzer's ACLU-provided attorney, speaking on his behalf, said in court, "My client does regret any offense that he made to the court. He disagrees with the ticket but had no intent of offending the court."

Militzer still believes that he's right, but that the downside made such a proposition unattractive. He says that he reserves the right to protest unjust tickets in the future -- but next time, he'll avoid using profanity.

So, all's well that ends well? Hmmm... I still smell a little bullshit...

(This is the part where I give credit to the Detroit News article that I used as my source.)

My First Link!

It might seem like small taters to you, but to me it's BIG NEWS!!! Someone has put a link to my site on their site! As far as I know, it's my first link.

The lady's name is Bambi, and her site is called Single Life in your 30's. It's a great read, funny and insightful... not to mention, she's pretty easy on the eyes, too. (OK, I know that's not the main reason that people should go to her site, but I'm a guy, I had to throw that in there!!! Cut me some slack!)

Seriously, if you're not already a visitor to Bambi's site, you should check it out. And don't ask me if Bambi's her real name... it's none o' my business!

BULLSH*T!

Robert Militzer, a 38-year-old computer programmer who lives in Allen Park, Michigan, is facing criminal contempt of court charges for his use of the word "bullshit".

If it happened in a courtroom, that would be completely understandable. But it didn't. Militzer wrote the word on a check he mailed to the court, in protest over the parking ticket he received in the Detroit suburb of Berkley. The actual phrase he used was "BULLSHIT MONEY GRAB"... which, in reality, it sure seems like it was. The city of Berkley had removed the "No Parking" signs from a residential street where Militzer had parked his car. He says that previously, he knew not to park there because there were signs, but with the signs gone, he thought that it was now OK to park there. Sounds pretty shady on the part of the city, doesn't it? But, of course, cities and towns using parking and traffic fines as revenue is rampant all over the U.S. (Hey, didn't we fight a war over this? The American Revolution? Remember the phrase "Taxation Without Representation"? Exactly.)

Let's take a look at the reason that we have such a concept as "comtempt of court". Its purpose is so that a judge can maintain a certain degree of order, respect, and decorum in the courtroom. I think I can reasonably say, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this mailed-in parking ticket WAS NOT PROCESSED IN A COURTROOM. Let's be realistic, it was processed by some low-level bot-person in the court clerk's office. Well, waaaahhhhh, looks like someone got their precious little feelings hurt. Boo-freakin-hoo. Someone needs to tell judges that they are NOT gods. (If this joker was in MY municipality, you can bet your bottom dollar I'd be voting for the other candidate come election time.)

And for once, the ACLU (or as I like to call them, the Anti-American Civil Liberties Union) is standing up for something I actually believe in and agree with. The ACLU attorney representing Militzer states that these charges are in conflict with Militzer's right to freedom of speech. I say: Right on, ACLU! (Make note of this moment -- you will probably never catch me saying that EVER again!)

Oh, and to the city of Berkley, I say: BULLSHIT!

(Link to the Detroit News article, from which I paraphrased heavily)

I'm Too Old To Have Kids

Helluva opening line, huh?

Well, of course, it'll make a lot more sense once I explain it. (I can almost hear Ricky Ricardo in my head, saying "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do!")

I was dating a lady recently, and we really hit it off. She is about 12 years younger than me, but that didn't seem to matter. She'd never had children before, but definitely wanted to have some. Faithful readers may remember that I have a 19-year-old son. And truthfully, I love children, and had always wanted to have more.

Then one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was sitting on the throne (where, oddly enough, I do some of my best thinking), and I started to crunch the numbers. I turn 46 next month (on July 30th). If I dated the lady for a year, then we got married, I'd be 47. If we enjoyed a year of "us" time, before trying to have a child, I'd be 48. If we were then lucky enough to get pregnant within about 3 months (no small feat), I'd be 49 when the baby was born... which means I'd be 67 when the child turned 18. Now, that's not including if it took longer than 3 months to get pregnant, or if there was going to be more than one child.

That was the moment of my epiphany. As much as I love kids, I don't want to be raising them when I'm in my 60's. My son just graduated from high school, and that was particularly draining on me in my mid-40's. Twenty years from now, I don't want to be in that position all over again.

So, it's not that I couldn't, in theory, be a father again. Physically, I could do it. It's just that I'm choosing not to. And I'm OK with that, finally. Also, it's time for some "me" time. I've given up a lot of things in favor of my son. (For example, he has a camcorder and a digital camera. I have neither of these things, yet I bought them for him.) I've been relatively selfless, and I have no regrets about that. But, maybe, I can buy some things for myself every now and then. What the hell, I'm worth it, right?

At some point, hopefully I'll be a grandpa, and delight in spoiling the heck out of my grandchildren... But not too soon... ARE YOU LISTENING, SON ?!!!!

The Biscuits

I was sitting in a bar last night with a friend, having dinner (seriously, only drank Pepsi). They had a baseball game on TV, between two teams identified only as "Mont" and "Jax". Now, "Jax" I can figure is probably Jacksonville (Florida); I was stationed there for two years when I was in the Navy, and that's their common nickname. So, OK, it's a minor league baseball game. I imagined at first that "Mont" was Montreal, but they just lost their major league team less than two years ago, would they already have a minor league team? Later, I learned that "Mont" was Montgomery, but that's not what's interesting about this game.

I'd heard of the Jacksonville Suns before. They may have even been around when I was stationed in Jacksonville back from 1982 til 1984. So that wasn't surprising to me at all. But, as I'm watching bits and pieces of the game, I'm trying to figure out what's written across the front of the Montgomery players' jerseys. It's really weird, it looks like "Biscuits". I kept looking, trying to get a clearer view, because seriously, no one in their right mind would call their team "the Biscuits", right?

Well, I kept looking and looking. After looking at several different players' jerseys, I came to a conclusion. Sure as shit, it said "Biscuits". The Montgomery Biscuits. Now, if you're an up-and-coming ballplayer, how in the hell can you sit through an interview with your hometown newspaper, and say "I'm the starting left-fielder for the Montgomery Biscuits" with a straight face?

I can see the sports section headlines: "Biscuits Get Burned, 3-2"... "Gravy Too Much For Biscuits"... "Biscuits Turn Cold, Lose to Rolls". I was even thinking of one for the game I was watching: "Suns Bake the Biscuits". But that one wouldn't have worked -- the Biscuits won, 4-2.

A quick check of the Montgomery Biscuits web site shows their slogan to be "Biscuits Baseball: A Recipe for Fun". I tried to come up with something witty to end this post, but I don't think I can top that!

Ass-Cow

When you first wake up, your ears can play tricks on you. This morning, as I typically do every morning, I turned on the radio right after I got out of bed. This is what I really heard:

Ask how
Ask now

... which is, of course, part of a commercial for Sherwin-Williams Paint. However, in my just-woken stupor, this is what I thought I heard:

Ass-Cow

... which prompted me to think: WTF?

I don't know about you, but "Ass-Cow" is causing some strange mental pictures for me.

8 Days, 2 Grads

I have been very fortunate lately. Two members of my family graduated within an eight-day span.

First, my son graduated from high school on May 31st. Now I know you're probably thinking, "Jim, there's NO WAY that you look old enough to be the dad of a high-school grad!" If so, then my boyish good looks have fooled even you -- I'll be 46 next month (on July 30th). So, don't worry, you still have time to buy me a present!

Anyway, just as any other parent would be, I am so very proud of my son. He didn't always try as hard as he should have, but towards the end, when crunch time came, he bore down and got it done. Now, on to college in the fall, where he wants to learn to fly airplanes.

The other family graduation was on June 8th, when my little brother got his GED. (Little? Hell, he's 40... oh well, old habits die hard!) He's been through hell and back in his life (some of it self-imposed); he was the baby of the family, and our mother died when he was only 16. Throw in dyslexia, a chronic illness, and some problems with substance abuse, and you start to get a picture of the challenges he faced. Yet, he set his mind to it, and like my son, he got it done. (No, we're NOT related to Larry the Cable Guy!) And now, he says he wants to go to school to be a paralegal.

Sorry for gushing, but I am SOOOOOOO proud of my brother and my son! We McKee's are the persevering kind! (Which is a nice way of saying we're stubborn-ass mofo's!!!)

When I'm 64

Will you still need me
Will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?

When Paul McCartney wrote those words some forty years ago, his wife Heather Mills hadn't even been born yet. So, I guess technically, he wasn't asking the question of her.

However, given recent events, I'd imagine her answer would have to be "No."

Sir Paul turned 64 years old yesterday. Far from from being curled up in a rocking chair, he's still going on concert tours, and rocking out like he has for the last four decades. He's also one of the richest individuals in show business. At least for now...

Mills filed for divorce from the former Beatle last month, citing "media interference". News flash for Lady Heather: Paul McCartney was ALREADY TERRIFICALLY FAMOUS when you met him! Duh!

What a crappy thing to happen to a great guy. I still remember when his first wife, Linda, died of breast cancer in the late 90's, he said "I've lost me girlfriend". I also remember getting teary when I heard him say that. Theirs was one of the few true show businesss love stories, even though the end was tragic.

Well, I hope Sir Paul gets through all this, even though it may cost him an arm and a leg... and I hope he can find a lady who will stick by him... maybe til he's 94?

Vocabulary Word: "venal"

venal \ adjective:
1.a. Open to bribery; mercenary: as in a venal police officer.
1.b. Capable of betraying honor, duty, or scruples for a price; corruptible.
2. Marked by corrupt dealings, especially bribery: as in a venal administration.
3. Obtainable for a price.

(Link to site)

Un-shopped! (or: Victim of the Cart Nazi)

The strangest thing happened to me at the grocery store recently. I was happily shopping, had maybe seven or eight items in my cart, when I decided to make a quick trip to the restroom. I was in there maybe a grand total of THREE minutes (hey, I had to wash my hands, y'know), and when I came out, my cart was GONE!

Now I could understand if my cart had been there for a long time, say, a half-hour or so. But that wasn't the case. I'm imagining that the store's Cart Nazi is an evil, vindictive bastard, who scours the aisles in search of carts that have been left alone for just a scant few seconds, seeking to traumatize poor unsuspecting shoppers. I tried to think of the many ways I could deal with this problem. I thought, maybe we could put photos of the missing cart on milk cartons, but the lead time it would take to set this plan in motion would be prohibitive (not to mention that John Walsh would kick my ass if we ever met).

Eventually, I went and got another cart, and re-shopped for all the items I'd had in my previous cart. (It was just like deja vu all over again.) For a hot minute, I parked my cart in the same spot, and hung back a bit, waiting to catch the Cart Nazi in my devious little trap. But, it finally dawned on me that he (or she) might be out taking a doughnut break, and I really did have better things to do with my time than to spend it on a grocery store stake-out.

So, if you work as a Cart Nazi for a grocery store, stop and think for a minute before you take someone's cart. The life you save may be your own.

Logo !!!

I've done something I've been putting off for a long time: I created a logo for the site. Why don't you take a minute and tell me what you think? Thanks!