You Say It's Your Birthday...

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too--yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party.

I would like you to dance--Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance--Birthday
Dance

You say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too--yeah
You say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Lyrics and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney;
Copyright 1968, Apple Music Ltd.

Yes, friends, it's my birthday... Let the festivities begin!!!

Others sharing a birthday with me (some no longer alive... hey, not my fault!):

• Henry Ford, pioneer automobile manufacturer


• Arnold Schwarzenegger, actor, governor of California


• Emily Brontë, author


• Lisa Kudrow, actress (Friends)


• Casey Stengel, baseball player and manager


• Paul Anka, singer/songwriter


• Delta Burke, actress

Also, on this date in 1975, former Teamsters president Jimmy Hoffa disappeared after last being seen at a suburban Detroit restaurant, and has never been seen again.

And how old am I today? A whopping 146 46 years young!

Thank you to all my friends and family for helping me make it this far.

I Met Someone...

(I told you a personal post was coming... Don't say you weren't warned...)

Don't you just love it when someone says they "met" someone on the Internet? (That's almost as precious as the term "online boyfriend/girlfriend". Ugh, gag me with a spoon, already.) Can you really, honestly say that you've MET someone when you've never stood in the same room?

Well, not to appear hypocritical, but I met someone on the Internet.

(Bear with me, it'll make sense soon -- hopefully.)

About three weeks ago, a lady contacted me through an Internet dating site. From that very first contact, we had an Instant Message chat session that lasted five hours (no, that's not a typo, I said "five hours"). Since that first night, we've spoken on the phone almost every day... often for many, many hours at a time.

A week ago (on Friday, July 21st, to be exact), after talking on the phone for almost two weeks, she was in town and we went out on a date (she lives about 4 hours' drive from here, but has friends that live not far from me, and she's a native Michigander). You always worry about whether there's going to be chemistry from these online connections before you meet in person, but I guess I was silly to worry. As Forrest Gump would say, "We was like peas and carrots." She's sweet, smart, very attractive, has a wacky sense of humor that can keep up with mine, and she has the singing voice of an angel -- what's not to like? And if that's not enough, she's also a Leo (probably why we "get" each other so well).

Why have I not named her by name? Because I respect her privacy. If she ever says it's cool for me to mention her by name, I will. (She even has a blog of her own, although not on Blogger.)

Anyway, we're still in the "getting to know you" phase, but it's a really good thing right now, and I felt like mentioning it.

To bring this thing full-circle, the reason I ranted on the Internet use of the word "met"... I didn't consider myself to have "met" this lady until we actually MET in person.

But I did meet her on the Internet.

Hmmmmm....

We're Counting Cards...

Movie-literate readers will recognize this article's title as a quote from the awesome 1988 film Rain Man, which starred Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise (setting Cruise's personal a-hole-ishness aside, this is one of his better acting jobs). If you've never seen this movie, I recommend a trip to the video store, post haste... and while you're at it, also grab Field of Dreams if you haven't had the pleasure.

But, I digress. (Yeah, what else is new?!) Really, though, I did have a reason for mentioning Rain Man: because a blogger who calls himself RAINMAN has become the SIXTH person to put a link to me on his/her site. (OK, so I solicited the link in a shameless, not-so-subtle hint left in a comment on his page. So sue me!)

I must warn you, he doesn't pull any punches when he expresses his opinion. If you're a freakin' idiot, he'll be sure to let you know. But his no-frills style of writing keeps me coming back. Hell, the recent post about his dog was enough for the price of admisssion in and of itself. Plus, he's a fellow Michigander, so that earns him some bonus points. (GO TIGERS!)

With this sixth site linking to me, I wanted to differentiate things in the "BLOGS I READ" section. Therefore, I created the "team" concept. It's quite simple: Sites listed in "The Gold Team" are sites that link to me. Those in "The Silver Team" do not. All of the sites in both teams are sites that I enjoy reading, and recommend to others. I just wanted to give the ones who do link to me a little extra recognition, that's all.

That Makes 5 (If You're Counting)

If you check the "Blogs I Read" section of this web site, you'll notice a new addition to the list: Malnurtured Snay. Go ahead, say it out loud -- you know you want to.

Hell, I don't even have a clue what it means. But it's a funny and interesting site, and its creator/proprietor was gracious enough to link to me, so I am more than happy to return the gesture. (No, not that kind of gesture, silly!)

For those of you playing along with the home version of our game, that makes a grand total of FIVE different sites that have linked to me. It's a regular grass roots movement, I tell ya. (Too bad it's not a grass skirt movement... now THAT would be sexy!)

If anyone else links to me, please let me know. I'm pretty good, but not omnipotent (that has nothing to do with sex, so get your mind outta the gutter!).

Birthday Alert

Just a little reminder that the birthday of Yours Truly is coming up. It's this Sunday... and yes, I do accept presents!

;-]

Space, The Final Frontier...

I am so honored.

Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Federation Starship Enterprise, has seen fit to include a link to my page on his journal. If any of you are, like me, feeling a void in your life because there are currrently no Star Trek programs on the air (not counting syndicated reruns), I urge you to check out Captain Picard's Journal. You never know who you might encounter there; could be any character from any of the Star Trek series, at any given time.

Live long and prosper!

Why I Do This

Regular visitors to this web site will notice something unusual about it, especially when compared to the rest of the Blog-O-Verse. (Is that really a term? Well, it is now.) Actually, something conspicuous in its absence, if you know what to look for.

You won't see much of this sort of thing:

Well, Aunt Martha will be here next week, I just love her broccoli cobbler. Baby Johnny was colicky all afternoon, so finally I had to duct-tape him and toss him in the closet. Sissy was fine until she stubbed her toe on the dog. And as if things weren't bad enough, I burned the Fruit Loop casserole! ARRRGGHHH!

(DISCLAIMER: The preceding paragraph is entirely fictitious, and in no way reflects my own personal views on child care, cuisine, or animal rights.)

In other words, unlike a large number of folks, I don't use this thing as an online journal or diary. Don't get me wrong, I read lots of other people's blogs that DO do that; in fact, most of the links in the "Blogs I Read" section are just that. I just found that I have different needs.

I purchased the domain jimmckee.com approximately two years ago. During that time, I kicked around lots of different ideas of what I'd like to do with it. I really resisted doing a blog, simply because I knew I didn't want to do an online journal. Again, just wasn't my cup of meat. (Trivia Challenge: What song is that phrase from?)

Fast-forward to early this year -- A friend of mine turned me on to her Blogger blog. Beyond that, I started random blog-surfing (you can do it, too, just click the link in the upper-left-hand corner that says "Next Blog"). I slowly came to the realization that you can use a blog for just about anything you like. (Just like in cartoons, picture a light bulb illuminating over my head.)

Well, for me, I have a need to be [A] creative (it's the Leo in me, I think), and [B] humorous (at least most of the time). So, this satisfies both of those needs, without me having to be overly techy in doing so (hey, I do that for 40 hours a week, don't I deserve a break?).

So you won't be seeing much in the way of my personal life here (although I do reserve the right to let a little bit ooze out every now and then... and in fact, I have one planned for the next day or two... Hell, it's my web site, right?).

Oh, and one more thing: I'm very sorry, but I won't be posting the recipe for broccoli cobbler.

Cheesy Tots No More !!!!

Friends, I really regret having to report this incredibly sad news to you. But, being an honest person, it's very difficult for me to sugar-coat the truth. (Now, sugar-coating a bowl of Wheaties... that I can do, no problem. But the truth is pretty salty, like potato chips, and sugar-coating makes it kinda... icky.)

Anyway, this tragic bit of information comes from the wonderful world of fast food:

Burger King is no longer selling cheesy tots!!!

(I will pause a moment, so that readers may grab tissues.)

Yes, I went to Burger King recently (the one day that I worked last week, due to previously-reported car problems), and, as if things hadn't been bad enough for me, the psuedo-friendly voice emitting from the speaker at the drive-thru chirped that they had sold out of cheesy tots, and didn't know when they would be getting more, as this was a corporate decision.

Horror of horrors!

Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy BK's Croissan'wiches (as long as they don't kill me), but the cheesy tots TOTALLY ROCK. I don't care for their normal breakfast tater tots, but the cheesy tots have been infused with cheese on the inside (hence, the name). As a matter of fact, I don't really like BK's french fries, either. So, why in the hell did they do away with the only potato product they got right? BURGER KING UPPER MANAGEMENT, DO YOU REALLY FREAKING HATE ME THAT MUCH???

I'm sorry, I'm just so torn up right now... I'm verklempt, talk amongst yourselves.

...And Then There Were Three

Three, count 'em, THREE sites are now linked to mine. The latest to join the cadre of wise individuals (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more) is Deb. Her site is called Fat Times, and she gives a view of life from a different perspective -- that of living north of the border (also known as Canada, for you half-brainers out there, and those of you who skipped geography class).

As she was kind enough to link to me, I hope you'll check out her site as well. She's also the person who gave me my wonderfully psychotic cat, Beso. So, I have her to thank for the chew marks on my cell phone antenna, and for the grey-and-white ball of fur that goes rip-roaring through my apartment at 90 miles per hour.

But... where would I be without that ball of fur? (OK, don't answer that, it's called a rhetorical question.)

Another Link (and... Do Ya Wanna...?)

As previously reported on this very web site, I had a grand total of one (1) person who had put a link to my page on their page. Well, now it can be told... the tote board now reads...

TWO!!!

That's right, another blogger has graced me with a link on her site. She goes by the handle of Paperback Writer, and you should check out her blog, Publish or Perish. It's an interesting read -- at least I think so (and if you have at least 50% of a brain, you will, too... being an inclusive type of person, I don't want to discriminate against half-brains).

And while I'm on the topic of links... anyone who wants to trade links, please let me know. Of course, I reserve the right to refuse to trade links if I object to the content of your site. Obviously, I can't stop anyone from linking to my site. But, if your site concerns something too funky, such as sex with barnyard animals, I won't be posting a link back to you. And no, I don't care if they're consenting barnyard animals. I have to draw the line somewhere.

Stranded

My car has been out of commission for nearly a week now. Does it seem right for the timing chain to go out on a vehicle with 80,000 miles on it? To me, it doesn't... but what do I know?

I didn't get it towed to a dealer because it was 20,000 miles past its warranty, and I'm sure the dealer would've charged more (arm, leg, other body part). The downside of that is, the repair shop has to order parts from the dealership, which in turn has to order parts from South Korea. (Hopefully, the Fed-Ex plane carrying my parts won't get shot down by one of those North Korean Double-Dong missiles, or whatever they're called.)

I am not the kind of person who likes to be without his car. It doesn't even matter if I ACTUALLY would've gone anywhere. It's just the notion that I COULDN'T go anywhere, even if I wanted to. And forget about public transportation; I live somewhat out in the boonies. Now, I like where I live, don't get me wrong... but we're more likely to get the Pony Express than a bus. That's just the nature of the beast. Plus, I'm not really a public transportation kinda guy. I'm more like a "hop in the car and go when I want to" kinda guy. Really.

I also missed three days of work. Hey, who wanted to go on a vacation anyway, right? I mean, if I was going to have three days off from work, it would've been nice to have a car to drive, so that I could've actually gone somewhere and done something!!! Sheesh!!!

The good news is, I was able to borrow a car so that I could get to work today. The bad news is, it's a BIGGGGGG car (kind of like driving a school bus in comparison), and will end up costing me a lot more to get to work than my little Chevy Aveo would.

What's the number of that repair shop again?

I Killed The Toaster

Remember the Bob Marley song, "I Shot The Sheriff"? (Or, perhaps the Eric Clapton cover version?) OK, same melody, new lyrics:

I killed the toaster
But I didn't kill the microwave
I killed the toaster
Cuz I thought it was an autoclave...

Yeah, mon... err, man... I am SOOO guilty of the crime. But I did have the best of intentions. Now excuse me, I have to go pave the road to Hell.

You know how we're always trying to expand the horizons of our household appliaces? Take the television, for example. First, it was for watching whatever the big 3 broadcast networks decided to dish out to us. Eventually, we began to branch out, with videotapes, game consoles, DVD players, now we're even hooking our TV's up to computer networks. The concept is simple enough: Take an old, familiar appliance, and associate it with some new, previously unassigned task. Should be simple, anyway.

After my son's graduation party about a week and a half ago (which most of the world calls an "open house"), I became the proud owner of a bag of grilled hamburgers, in their buns, frozen in my freezer. So, to eat one of these succulent treats, I pop it into the microwave, hitting the Defrost setting for about a minute. That gets it just defrosted enough that you can separate the bun from the burger with a table knife. You don't want to microwave a bread product too long, or it will become "icky" (apologies for the use of technical jargon). After the separation process has been completed, the burger patty can go back into the microwave for about a minute. This leaves the bun, which is still cold.

I had the brilliant idea of putting a piece of aluminum foil over the toaster, putting the bun halves on the foil, and pressing the "toast" lever down (as you would if a bread product was actually "in" the toaster -- I know, what an odd concept). Results? Kind of a "good news, bad news" scenario. The good news? Worked perfectly to warm up the buns. The bad news? Having the foil over the top in this manner keeps in the heat that would normally be released into the surrounding air. This excess heat was manifested mainly in either end of the toaster, serving to melt the plastic ends of the device. But not to worry, the toaster was going on 12 years old; I bought a new toaster at Wal-Mart (and word to the wise: they don't put the really cheap stuff on Wal-Mart's web site, because I pre-shopped for the toaster, and thought it was going to cost me over $20.... pleasantly surprised).

Two slices of bread: $0.33
New toaster: $6.54
Lesson on thermal dynamics: Priceless.

Death By Croissan'wich

I don't think there's a whole lot that would spoil the culmination of a holiday weekend more than DEATH, especially if delivered via breakfast sandwich. And it almost happened to me yesterday.

I was driving to work and, as I have done so many times in the past, I stopped at Burger King to get breakfast. (It's a time-saver to eat on the way, and I've done it probably hundreds of times in the past... though more often at Mickey D's than BK... but I digress...)

First to go were the cheesy tots. (And by the way, these are the VERY BEST things you can possibly buy at a fast-food joint, and proof positive that God loves us.) Very yummy, but all in all, very uneventful.

Next was the sausage-egg-and-cheese croissan'wich (cue OMINOUS MUSIC). About halfway through this stage of the meal, apparently a little bit went down the wrong way. Accordingly, I began to choke. Now this type of problem would be bad enough, were I sitting in a cozy little breakfast nook somewhere. But no, that would be too FRIGGIN' simple. I was tooling down I-94 at about 75 miles per hour, cars whipping in and out of lanes, tractor-trailers too damn dense to know that they're not allowed to go more than 55 on Michigan highways, and generally speaking, various sorts of automotive mayhem and chaos going on (in other words, a typical Metro Detroit commute).

Well, there was no one around to perform the Heineken maneuver, so I slugged down some water and started coughing. Incidentally, my life did NOT flash before my eyes. In fact, the only thing going through my mind was that if I pass out now, I am SO screwed, and not in a good way. Anyway, I must have coughed for a few minutes, and finally the near-death experience passed. Damn, I didn't even get a chance to walk towards the light. (Although I was driving east, towards the morning sun, so maybe that counts?)

Anyway, it was a hard-fought struggle, but the final score was:

Jim 1, Croissan'wich 0.

BOO-YAH !!!

(Disclaimer: This article is not intended to cast aspersions on the Burger King Corporation, nor their food products, which are quite scrumptious, and 100% safe if used as directed.)

What REALLY Ticks Me Off

Tag, I'm it.

My blog friend, Bambi, tagged me. I felt honored, I'd never been tagged before. Anyway, the subject is "20 things that piss you off" (or something like that).

1. People who don't think that "You're welcome" is the appropriate response to "Thank you". Either I hear "yup" or "mm-hmm", or I hear no response at all. I used to be guilty of this on occasion myself, but once I realized it, I have worked very hard at correcting my behavior. I wish other people would correct theirs.
2. Drivers who wait til the last second to get over when a lane is running out, especially in a construction zone. They usually post a sign 1 to 2 miles ahead of time, warning you. There is NO excuse for this incredibly rude move.
3. Drivers who drive slow in the fast lane. Um, HELLO, are you TRYING to cause an accident? Get over in the slow lane, you moron!
4. Drivers who don't give an appreciative wave when you let them go ahead of you. This is just inconsiderate. I don't have to let you go, I choose to. Would it hurt you so much to give me a little "thank-you" wave? Sheesh.
5. Snotty or apathetic customer service. Dimwits. If you don't treat me right, I go elsewhere. Sooner or later, you're out of a job. When will people learn that good customer service is very self-serving?
6. Big corporations who go out of their way to screw the little guy, just to save a few bucks. The heads of these companies should be taken out back and flogged mercilessly.
7. Smokers who are inconsiderate of non-smokers. If I wanted to breathe cigarette smoke, I would smoke myself. But I don't. That should tell you something. Duh!
8. People who have WAY too many items for the Express Lane at the grocery store. I'm not talking about 2 or 3 items over. I'm referring to people who have 20 or more items when the sign says 12 items or less. If you can't count past 12, why the hell are you allowed out of the house unescorted??!!
9. People who have no freaking clue how to use the U-Scan. I will expound on this subject in a future article.
10. Car manufacturer ads on TV that only give "employee pricing". I don't know about other parts of the country, but since I live in Metro Detroit, this happens a lot. But, for any given car company, the majority of viewers are NOT eligible for employee pricing. I think this is misleading advertising, and should be outlawed.
11. Cities who use their police departments as sources of revenue. And I have actually known cops who were given as much overtime as they wanted, as long as they wrote X number of tickets during the overtime. That sickens me. And angers me, too.
12. Government officials who have forgotten who they work for. One word: us.
13. Movie theater chains who set their prices outrageously high, then bitch and moan because attendance is down. Yes, if you keep raising prices on non-essential items, people will eventually seek out alternatives. Maybe you shouldn't have skipped Economics 101, dumb-ass.
14. Women who smoke, yet whine about there being "no good men". Do the math. Only about 21% of adults in the U.S. smoke. That means that 79% are non-smokers. The vast majority of non-smokers want relationships with non-smokers. So, it's obvious that if you smoke, you have a much smaller pool of potential mates to draw from.
15. Women who are short, yet have this very odd, ignorant obsession with tall men. If you're 5'4", why the f**k do you require a man to be over 6 feet tall? Grow the hell up, you're not a little girl sitting on Daddy's lap any more.
16. Women who have an ad on a personals/dating site, yet DO NOT post a photo. Invariably, this means the gal is UGLY AS SIN. If not, they would be more than happy to show off their smiling face.
17. People who think that the world owes them something. Nope. Wrong. Get off your fat ass and earn a living like the rest of us.
18. Women who categorically shun men for stupid reasons. I can understand preferences, but not lines drawn that you woud NEVER cross.
For example, because I'm fat (REALLY stupid reason, fat is NOT necessarily a permanent condition). I would love some gal who is a personal trainer to write me and say, "Y'know, I think you're a great guy, but I'm really into health. Would you mind if I worked you into shape?" (And no, I did NOT mean that in a sexual way.)
19. Women who think that because I'm fat, I must be desperate.
I'm 45, I'll be 46 at the end of this month. I think I look a little younger than that (I could be wrong), and I certainly think a little younger than that. I have NO interest in a woman over 50.
Also, no ugly women. Other than being overweight, I'm a pretty good-looking guy. I look for the same in a woman. I don't think I'm asking for too much
20. Women who think that, in every single case, the man should make the first move. Hello, this is 2006. "Happy Days" is long gone. If you want to be equal, then you need to share the burden when it comes to possible rejection. Otherwise, you may miss out on a good guy.